At the age of five I was diagnosed with something called precocious puberty, which basically meant I developed physically at a very young age. I was having physical and emotional changes long before any health class could teach me what a period was, or what hormones were. This led to multiple doctor visits, ongoing testing, and receiving infusions to stunt my growth, along with the constant assurance that the possibility of me having kids was slim.
Throughout the years my periods became increasingly irregular, and I grew facial and body hair, so the doctor’s response to this was birth control and various hormone pills that have long names I have since forgotten. Which created an even stronger barrier to understanding my hormones, because the birth control didn’t fix the problem it just suppressed it.
As I grew older, the thought of not being able to have children (what every single doctor said to me growing up) became even more real. Although, once I went to college, I put the whole idea of children aside I thought I had time, to at the very least figure out what was going on with my body.
Fast forward a few months into college and the world shutdown because of COVID and my mom got sick, so through the process of moving home for a while I met my husband. We dated for a year and got married a few days before our one-year anniversary, and when I tell you it was the best decision of my life I mean it (but we’ll get into that later).
When my husband and I first started dating I made it abundantly clear that children were probably out of the picture for us, and he embraced me with open arms and trusted that God had some sort of plan for us. Trust, at this point in my life, was a difficult concept especially when it came to my rocky faith.
The five years we have been married I probably could have bought a tiny island with the amount of money I have spent on pregnancy tests, praying that one of them would be positive. The heartbreak I felt every month when my periods were late, but every test was negative, the countless gyno appointments where I thought I would get answers, and not to mention the amount of metformin I took. I tried EVERYTHING, or did I? I realize that through the main portion of our marriage I never truly prayed consistently or even press into the Lord and his word.
Once I began putting God first in my life, not just in my marriage but all aspects there seemed to be a shift. The anxiety and worthlessness I felt began to become less prominent the more I trusted that God had a plan, but that doesn’t mean it made life easy. When I was at the all-time high in my faith, where I yearned to know Jesus, we faced trials.
On February 14th, 2025, a few months ago, I took a pregnancy test, and it was positive! It had been the positive test I had. The overwhelming joy I felt probably could have shaken the world, but it had been short lived, when a week later we were faced with devastation. Later I will get into the details of the miscarriage and the logistic of healing my hormones, but for now I’m sticking to the surface.
Now we are in the same rotation we have been in our whole marriage only this time the miscarriage completely reshaped my faith and our marriage in the best way possible. I pray that you stick with me throughout my journey while I stick with you, whatever the Lord has for us we will embrace it with open arms and pray for one another.
Rooted and Redeemed 